Are You Losing Friends? Or Simply Vibrating at a Higher Level? How to Let Go of Toxic Friendships.

Friends come and go, but there are times when our soul no longer resonates with one another. Does this mean that the friendship was not real? Inevitably, letting go of toxic friendships is something we all deal with.

As we journey through life, we go through some major changes. Maybe we switch careers, become parents, or find ourselves stuck in a toxic relationship. These experiences shape who we are as adults, molding us into who we're meant to be. Along the way, we meet people who can lift us up or drag us down. But eventually, we all face that nagging question: How do I know when it's time to say goodbye to a friendship?

Ending friendships is no joke. It can hurt just as much as breaking up with a romantic partner, and sometimes, it can be downright harmful. So, how do you know when it's time to cut ties? Here are some signs to watch out for.

• Your friend only talks about themselves every time you hang out. Ever had that friend who only seems to care about one thing: themselves? You know the type—they dominate every conversation, never bothering to ask how you're doing. Sure, we all need a venting session now and then, but when it feels like they are talking to a mirror, it's time to reevaluate the friendship. When every hangout revolves around their life story and yours is just background noise, it's time to cut the cord and prioritize your well-being.
  

• Your friendship is centered around drama, chaos, and negativity. This one goes without saying, yet sometimes we find ourselves in the middle of drama that was never ours to begin with. If your friendship is centered around petty drama or gossiping about others - especially other friends in your group - you need to take back your time. We've all had a "burn book" moment, but is that the main pillar of a friendship? This type of friendship is created through cheap unity. The union is based on a cheap value, and bound to end up just as it formed; cut it loose.
  

• Your friend is into pretty toxic or manic situations and wants to bring you into them as well. Have you ever been in a friendship where one person was set on self-destruction? We know that mental disorders and illness are valid reasonings that can play a part in certain behaviors, but blaming entire toxic traits on mental illness isn't right (nor accurate). If you have a friend who engages in risky behaviors, chronic substance abuse, or constant victim storytelling, then you know what to do. Snip-freaking-snip.

• Your friend always gives you backhanded compliments or talks down to you around others. We have all had a friend who wasn't a friend, they were a frenemy. Secretly, they dislike you and want you to feel as they do on the inside - like dirt. These friends will lowkey shade you, make you feel less (especially if you attract romantic attention from others), and use every opportunity to put you down. And if they are doing this in front of you - can you imagine what is being said when you aren't in the room?
  

• Your friendship is one-sided. You are the sole planner in this friendship. Calling to talk, planning friend dates, hitting them up after a 30-day hiatus that you weren't aware was happening; this is an unengaged friend who could care less if you two spoke or not. When friendships are one-sided, you may feel not like a friend, but a fan. Take a break and see if they start to schedule quality time with you. If not, have a conversation with them about your feelings. If you feel this conversation produces good results, then try again and start fresh. If you feel like the conversation wasn't productive, snip-snip.
  

• Your friendship is only tied together by your compliance. Let's read that again, your friendship is only tied together by your compliance. This is not a friendship, this is people-pleasing. Your union with a person should always be authentic, a space where two people can share their life, their frustrations, and everything in between freely. However, if you notice yourself walking on eggshells when hanging out, or biting your tongue to keep the friendship, don't. You never had a friend, you had someone who liked being in control.
  

• The biggest one, is you don't like your friend. Not even a little bit. Not at all. This part hits home. For years, I had several friends who I considered myself close to, best friends even. Yet, each time we'd hang out, I'd leave with mixed feelings of resentment and disdain. I didn't even like the people I was friends with! So why was I still around? I fell into the sunken cost fallacy and didn't want to leave my "friends" hanging by not being there to support them. By doing this, I was leaving myself hanging.

Where do you go from here? Dealing with guilt from cutting friends off is a valid feeling, especially when you've shared memories over the years. Coping with the pain of losing friendships is a natural process when cutting off a toxic friend. You need to start with prioritizing yourself. This is the time to give time back to YOU, journal, take a yoga class (I have several online that you can start with), go to local events that light your heart up, and you'll find like-minded people who pour back into your cup, not steal from it.

Rebuilding your life after a friendship is a path we have all come across, and you'll make it. One day at a time!