Navigating Family Boundaries: Should You Engage with Toxic Relatives While Healing?

Blood is thicker than water ... But what if you're trying to heal from the inside out? What if you're family is what you are trying to heal from?

Healing is a deeply personal journey, a return to wholeness that asks us to prioritize peace, authenticity, and self-love. Deciding whether to keep communication open with toxic family members can feel like a balancing act between honoring familial bonds and protecting your well-being.

Healing starts with creating an environment that supports your growth—even when that means making difficult choices.

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What Makes a Family Relationship “Toxic”?

Toxic family dynamics aren’t always as obvious as the screaming match at Thanksgiving we see in TV dramas like Succession.

Toxicity can be subtle, even covert, but it still eats away at your emotional bandwidth. Modern therapy has helped us redefine what healthy relationships look like, and spoiler: You’re allowed to expect more than “because they’re family.”

Signs You Might Be in a Toxic Family Relationship:

• You feel like the family scapegoat (yes, the same one Kourtney Kardashian talks about).

• There’s constant criticism dressed up as “concern” for your life choices.

• You find yourself walking on eggshells to avoid drama or confrontation.

• Your boundaries are ignored or dismissed.

Sound familiar? It’s okay to admit that certain dynamics aren’t serving your highest good. Naming the behavior is a powerful first step.

How Toxic Energy Disrupts Healing

We’ve learned so much about trauma and mental health in the last decade, thanks to people like Dr. Gabor Maté and the rising popularity of somatic therapy. Research shows that chronic stress—like the kind triggered by toxic relationships—can dysregulate your nervous system, leading to everything from anxiety to gut issues (hello, IBS flare-ups during family reunions).

Here’s What Toxic Energy Does to Your Healing Journey:

• Cortisol Overload: Stress hormones stay elevated, making it harder for your body to rest, digest, and repair.

• Emotional Dysregulation: You might find yourself stuck in fight-or-flight mode, constantly bracing for the next conflict.

  • Self-Doubt Spiral: Repeated criticism can chip away at your self-worth, leaving you questioning your decisions—even the healthy ones.

Healing asks you to focus on yourself. If certain relationships are derailing that focus, it’s worth re-evaluating their place in your life.

What Do You Really Need Right Now?

Let’s pause and have a moment of clarity: What does your healing require? Pop culture often glamorizes the “ride or die” mentality when it comes to family (cue every movie about family reunions ever), but the truth is, loyalty doesn’t mean self-sacrifice.

Ask Yourself These Questions:

1. Am I ready to engage without harming my growth? Are you in a place where interactions feel manageable, or do they send you straight back to square one?

2. What am I hoping to achieve by staying in touch? Are you seeking closure, trying to mend bridges, or simply avoiding guilt? Clarity here can guide your next steps.

3. What boundaries would help me feel safe? Your needs aren’t negotiable. Whether it’s limiting conversation topics or the frequency of visits, your boundaries deserve to be respected.

If You Stay Connected: Boundaries Are Your Superpower

Deciding to keep communication open doesn’t mean giving toxic behavior a free pass. It means showing up with your boundaries fully intact.

Practical Ways to Set and Maintain Boundaries:

1. Reclaim the Narrative. Use firm but kind language. For example: "I value our relationship, but I’m not comfortable discussing my healing in detail. Let’s talk about something else."

2. Control the Environment. Meet on neutral ground like a coffee shop instead of their home (where power dynamics often linger). Or, opt for short phone calls instead of extended in-person interactions.

3. Buffer Before and After. Before engaging, ground yourself with a mindfulness practice like box breathing or gentle yoga. Afterward, decompress with something soothing—think of your fave reruns or a solo walk in nature.

4. Bring an Ally. Sometimes, a supportive friend or partner in the room can diffuse tension and remind you that you’re not alone.

When Walking Away Becomes Necessary

Let’s normalize this: Walking away from a relationship—even family—can be an act of love. Not for them, but for you. Just like Glennon Doyle preaches in Untamed, sometimes the most courageous thing you can do is honor your own needs, even if it ruffles feathers.

Signs It’s Time to Step Away:

• Boundaries are consistently ignored or violated.

• Interactions leave you feeling drained, anxious, or unworthy.

• There’s a pattern of emotional, verbal, or physical abuse.

Distance doesn’t have to be permanent. It can be a pause, a re-evaluation, or a way to reclaim your space. Whatever it looks like, it’s valid.

The Role of Forgiveness in Healing

Let’s debunk a myth: Forgiveness doesn’t mean excusing bad behavior or pretending it didn’t happen. It means choosing to let go of the resentment that keeps you tethered to the pain. Forgiveness is for you. It’s releasing the emotional backpack you’ve been carrying, not inviting the person who filled it back into your life.

Honor Your Healing Path

Healing isn’t about fixing broken relationships; it’s about building one with yourself. Whether you decide to maintain contact, enforce strict boundaries, or step away, trust that you are the expert on what’s best for your well-being.

At New Moon Wellness, we believe healing doesn’t happen in isolation—it’s about finding the courage to show up for yourself, even when it feels uncomfortable.

Let’s rewrite the script: Family isn’t just who you’re born into; it’s who you choose to grow with. Your peace is your birthright. Protect it fiercely.

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Charenee is the owner of New Moon Wellness and a yoga teacher who loves stopping to smell the flowers, libra-worthy bubble baths, and writing wellness blogs to launch into the conscious collective.

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